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Fighting Forward: A Widow's Journey from Loss to Life, by Jan J. Owen
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“…loss is like a rock tossed into the middle of a placid pond: the waves go on and on, reaching far beyond the initial impact, touching places within my life I never foresaw or imagined. And it has left me forever altered.” Jan Owen was widowed at the age of forty-eight. In this book of essays, she relates her story of the loss of her husband of thirty years while sharing honestly about her journey from crippling grief to a beautiful and hopeful life. Fighting Forward: A Widow’s Journey from Loss to Life bravely explores the heartaches and questions of widowhood and grief on a deeply personal level while offering us the hope and possibility of a new, even joyous, life. Jan encourages us to choose to live again even when we cannot see the future, to allow ourselves to be enlarged by our experience even as we sit in the dark. We must choose to keep marching on, fighting forward as we strive to build a new life full of hope and purpose.
- Sales Rank: #25449 in Books
- Published on: 2017-02-27
- Original language: English
- Dimensions: 9.00" h x .37" w x 6.00" l,
- Binding: Paperback
- 148 pages
About the Author
Jan Owen was born and raised in North Alabama, the place she continues to call home. She spent fifteen years serving as a music pastor. In 2009 she founded a non-profit organization to provide training for indigenous leaders. Through her work, she was able to spend time with people from many different countries and cultures, many of whom had experienced the heartache of genocide, war, poverty and loss. Currently, Jan describes herself as a "widow warrior", learning to fight forward and build a new life in the wake of grief. She uses her heart for others and passion for writing to encourage fellow widows and others struggling with grief and loss. A recent graduate of the University of Alabama, she is now enrolled in graduate school. Jan loves the beach, a good book, Alabama football, stand up paddle boarding, time to write and travel, her husband Matt and her three adult children.
Most helpful customer reviews
0 of 0 people found the following review helpful.
A Tremendous Book for Widows!
By Candy
I have read over 50 books written by Christian widows and some widowers. FIGHTING FORWARD is one of the top three now in my list of best books for widows.
Jan writes with raw emotions and true vulnerability despite what others might think of her. Her heart is wide open as she shares the difficulties going on in her marriage before her husband's diagnosis and how she faces death alongside him.
Her walk with Christ began as a young girl, but death changes you and for some, it can shatter your faith. Yet, God can use that time of silence, questioning of everything that you have believed and wilderness walking to enable you to begin to get a more clear picture of who He is and exactly who He made you to be,
I highly recommend this book for any widow who is ready to seek help, gain affirmation and receive encouragement in her grief journey.
0 of 0 people found the following review helpful.
Read it, share it, give it away, and buy yourself another!
By Jodie Patterson
The fight to survive after the loss of one's spouse is just that, a fight. It's up to the individual to decide which direction they're going to head, and Jan Owen certainly chose to Fight Forward! Her collection of essays span the first couple of years of her fight, from the time of her husband's cancer diagnosis, to the time of beginning her "Chapter 2" and marrying again. Her essays, while specific to her life, will resonate deeply with widows, widowers, those experiencing the loss of other loved ones, and those mourning the loss of their marriage through divorce. If you've ever thought that you were alone in your feelings, Jan's open and honest writings will assure you that you're not alone in your experience.
It's also a great book for anyone who loves and cares for someone who is grieving. The reader will gain insight into the struggles and issues that those who mourn must deal with, and will learn ways to offer meaningful support.
"A Letter to Those Who Love Me" is an honest, raw, explanation of how it feels to grieve, struggle to survive and fight to thrive, that is enlightening for anyone close to someone who has experienced a devastating loss.
This book will make a thoughtful and heart-felt gift to both yourself and any widow or widower you know. I highly recommend it as a book to have on hand to give your loved ones to read as well, as Jan Owen has so beautifully put into print, what you wish you could tell others about your Fight Forward from your devastating loss.
0 of 0 people found the following review helpful.
The humanity. The honesty. Grief explained to those who have and have not experienced it.
By Michael Yohe
Preface:
I've been following the author's (@JanOwen) progress on Fighting Forward for quite a while. Jan and her late husband Phil were mentors to me when I was a teenager, of whom I considered role models for their faith, love, and dedication to others. �The news of Jan's husband's cancer was particularly devastating to me, because it's one of those things that once you face it - see its ugliness - experience its torment and pain, you can never forget it and, honestly, never want to see it again.
On June 6, 2010, my father was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and was given six months to live. He opted for treatment even though the oncologist said there was only a 3% chance it would even work. The treatment sheared his six months quickly as it ravaged his body. I asked my father why would he even try given the terminal (incurable) nature of the treatment. He said very clearly that if there was even a single percentage chance that he could live longer, grow older with my mother he would do it. Inevitably, the treatment destroyed the good parts of the body while doing little against the cancer. He passed away July 24, 2010.�
I am his son. I, too, have and am still fighting forward with my grief. My mother experienced grief in a way that only a spouse of thirty plus years could. Jan's book provided me with a glimpse into that enigmatic state that my mother continues to struggle with - grief. �When Jan revealed �that Fighting Forward was available for iBooks, I immediately bought it and read it from virtual cover to cover.
Jan's ability to express emotions in blunt but succinct words and phrases is a testament to her honesty and style. She reveals the behind-the-scenes experiences of how most marriages progress - for better and for worse. While my idea of role models was not altered, Jan's honesty helped me relate that love abounds even with adversity. It has helped me understand grief in terms of my own love to my father, my father's love for my mother, and especially the love of my mother to my father.
Quick thoughts:
This book is written to provide a glimpse of the side of grief most have not experienced. For most, you may find yourself lost when reading Jan's expression. I give you the following advice if you've never experienced true grief first hand: start at the back of the book. Jan articulates what someone who is grieving craves for, mentally, spiritually, and physically. You may be surprised at her list of do's and don'ts, but coming from a position of grief that is moving into its seventh year, I couldn't help myself but wish that I could have expressed these thoughts myself. This guide, simple and so much to the point, speaks volumes on how we, those who are grieving, truly feel.
Once you've understood the do's and don'ts, you'll realize that most people try extremely hard to be do-gooders and say the right thing. It's not about the words. Read the guide in the back first to be equipped to dealing with someone else's grief and, when your time comes, your own grief.
At this point, you're ready to step into the world of Jan's story. Grief takes many forms and shapes. It is a journey that we must embrace in order to move forward in life.
The story:
Fighting Forward feels like a composition of journal entries that shows the transition of the author from one chapter to the next. It is written from the perspective of someone who struggled with marital problems, health problems, faith problems, and other difficulties. In other words, the book was written to be brutally honest about the human condition of a spouse who had experienced so much in life, in death, and then her rebirth or new embrace upon life itself. She acknowledges her shortcomings and regrets through her journey through grief. I myself found so many regrets that brought me anguish for all the time I "could have" or "should have"; the author showed me that I wasn't alone. It took me years for this regret to heal and allow me to focus on living. Most importantly, it has helped me realize that my own advice and interactions with my mother rank solidly in the "desired" category of a widowed spouse that is grieving.
So often my mother would "feel" as if she was being judged by others - ironically from those of Christian faith to whom never experienced grief for themselves who share their "love" so willingly without even understanding how their words hurt so much. If this were in God's master plan, what did my father do to deserve it? No. I don't accept it at all. I don't accept disease as a part of some master plan. I accept it for what it is - a dreadful disease that causes real suffering. I would attempt to politely move the conversation away from the "God's plan" theory on behalf of my mother. It wasn't helpful, especially when we see couples living their lives into many decades of marriage. Like Jan says, it almost diminishes the grief.
It was me, a person who struggles with faith regularly, who kept encouraging my mother to seek her own goals, find her own happiness, and pish-posh on everyone who would say otherwise. She felt as if she were betraying my father knowing good and well that my father would never want her to remain alone.
In a moment of lucidity prior to his death (the stages of death that hospice care specialists briefed me about), my father asked to speak with my mother alone. Her wailing on the other side of the bedroom door told me that something powerful was going on. I found out later that he simply told her that "we had a wonderful marriage. I love you." Jan revealed that even with their own marital struggles, Phil, too, had expressed this sentiment as his final message to Jan. If I could only be this kind of husband for my own wife as Phil and my father were, I could find peace.
Jan's proclivity to documenting her state of mind over a period of several years, to which she has said helped regain her sanity, was to capture the moments in "the fog" which would end up providing a guide to all spouses that at one point in time, one or the other will meet grief first hand. While certainly no amount of material or explanation can ready a person for it, Jan lets the reader know that they are not abnormal or psychotic. Instead of fleeing grief, embrace it because through it you'll discover why it even exists in the first place. It serves as a reminder of the profound impact that one person has had upon us, especially a spouse.
People who grieve understand Jan in some form or fashion. It takes a brave, compassionate person to share their thoughts when they are at their ebbs and flows.
A personal lesson:
Jan taught me something important, because I've viewed things as mutually exclusive when it comes to my mother and her fianc�e when it comes to my father. Jan found companionship, a best friend, and a husband in what she refers as "Chapter 2". Her husband, Matt, has held her hand while she continues to walk through grief. As ashamed as I am to admit it, I subscribed to the notion that somehow my mother's fianc�e's willingness to walk with my mother through her journey in grief concerning my father was somehow bizarre. Even in my own grief, I somehow concluded that my mother's fianc�e had no business to even discussing my father. Whether I explicitly voiced it or not, I imagine my mother knows me well enough to empathetically feel my "disapproval".
Jan showed me how Matt's strength allows her to fight forward through grief, understanding how to love both Phil and Matt. It profoundly reveals a side of my mother that I have passively discouraged but now know better. My mother's fianc�e cares so much for her that he loves her without question, knowing that he's not trying to fill my father's shoes. It's a strength he's willing to provide, and it's one I should be fully supportive of. Remember the guide in the back I referred to? I'm going to apologize to my mother and fianc�e for my selfishness. She found companionship. She found a best friend. She found a new chapter in her fianc�e. He accepted her, her flaws, and her grief. He loves her so much.
Final thoughts:
As much as Phil believed in heaven, so did my father. I can imagine both Phil and my father giving each other a high five knowing that their wives have grown so much through their grief and have found someone to love and care for them in their stead.
I wish people of all ilk, especially the pastors and ministers of churches, would read this book. In fact, I'd love for them to simply read the guide at the back. Jan included a special section for Christians attempting to "help" those who are grieving. As important as spiritual well-being is, the mental and physical hardships cannot be dismissed. Many times, I feel the key to spiritual well-being is when the body and mind are at peace, not vice versa. After all, we are human.
I'm proud of Jan to speak up for those who struggle to find their voice, especially when it comes to discussing their grief.
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